oh what do you do in the summertime, ah, autumn time, well, Winter time...maybe spring time???

If you have followed me on facebook you know that I put a comment out there about what is the point of being a stay at home mom when there is no one to stay at home with. This was a pretty selfish comment on my part. I admit, I am at a bit of a loss right now in my life. For the past 10 years, all I have talked about is staying at home. "Wouldnt it be nice if I could just stay at home all day and take care of the house and be caught up on things?" Sometimes I would say this because I thought that was the appropriate thing for an LDS mom to say. Shouldn't our desire be to stay home and raise the kids and do those domestic things we are taught? But I must confess that deep down I longed for some kind of fulfillment outside of being a mom. I am not sure why. Perhaps it is because I was not filling my cup with the things that were really important, like prayer, scriptures, temple attendance etc. Or learning new skills etc. So I was looking for that gratification outside the home. I think when I began to teach music I awakened two dormant passions that I didn't really realize I had. One was that of teaching. I love to teach. Maybe not in a classroom at a school, but I love to teach. I love to get up in front of people and instruct them. It is like a high to me. I have a secret desire to be a public speaker one day, but I have much to learn and discover about myself before that can come to fruition. The second is that I have a deep passion for music. I genuinely loved to work with my school choir. It was the combination of them learning the music and seeing them excel and pulling off a decent performance that I really enjoyed about my job. It was fun to have classes come through and teach each grade level, but the bigger desire was to work with the choir kids and see them shine. I loved that and I will miss that.
So as I come to this point in my life, many have asked "what are you going to do"? I feel like a high school senior again. I am trying to figure out what I am going to do. I keep telling myself that going back to school is what I should do, but everytime I look at schools and classes, it is like it almost leaves my mind. I can't focus on it and I am very undecided. I refuse to go back and spend money on classes when I don't know what direction I should take. But then again, maybe that is just what I need to do, enroll, and start back with some generals and get a feel for what I want to do?? Feel free to step in and make suggestions here....
I have thought about teaching children's music in my home, like a small theater or chorus and then have like 2 performances during the year. I have thought about getting into wall art and selling that up here. I have thought about many many many crafty things that are SO prevelant in Utah, but are NOT here yet. I feel like I have an empty palette before me but I am scared to put color on the canvass and get going!
So I will keep you posted. Maybe as you read my thoughts, take a moment to leave a comment about what you think my strengths are and what you see me doing just because you know me. Sometimes outward perpectives are VERY helpful!!