I once was called a judgemental reglious zelot......

Yep, Its true. Kris and I had an interesting talk about that this morning as I drove him to work. And where does this stem from? Mainly from dealing with the cast of RENT. What an emotional journey this show has been, on many levels. As I said before, when I returned from Utah I was emotional. There were many times I would head to the theater, reluctantly and even with resentment in my heart about going. I did not want to be there, I did not want to leave my kids home AGAIN..for another night without a parent home. And then being at the theater was an altogether different situation. I found myself some nights wondering what in the heck I was doing in the midst of show that was against my belief system and surrounded by people who did not share my same beliefs and who I felt were blatantly mocking my values. The content of the show RENT talks about AIDS, HIV, same sex relationships but also goes to the next level of not only those issues but other descriptive things within those relationships. There was so much of a shock to my system, to my spirit that I felt BLAH when I would go home. Things were put into good perspective last night. And here in lies my question....
"What is the difference between JUDGING someone and "Judging" with the spirit of discernment" ? Can this happen? I believe it can. When we "JUDGE" it is usually because

1. It is easier to criticize than to be constructive.

2. To magnify our own virtues. However, because it is easier to criticize than to be constructive, we may decide not to improve ourselves but instead attempt to make others look smaller by tearing them down.

3. To justify our own faults.

4. Revenge or jealousy. Or we may want to tear down a person who outshines us if we are covetous or envious of what he has.

5. To shift the blame

to name a few....

When we discern we use the gifts of the spirit to help understand right vs wrong, to help us know the motives of others in our behalf and to help us know how close we are to the "edge of the cliff" Discernment is a gift to keep us directionally straight. Sometimes the world throws curves and says "come this way for a bit" and discernment makes the spirit say "whoa, thats not where you want to be"....And discernment is a good thing, it helps us realize what things are good for us as well. 

So back to my story. Last night Kris and I were talking to a member of the band who is playing for the show. This band plays in the Christian Community Church here in town.  The drummer, Cleo, is very religious and when the band came for their first run through with the cast, she, especially, was very uncomfortable with the content of this show. She had talked to the guy over the band and expressed her shock and concern. After they talked they both came to the same conclusion. Sometimes we are put into situations that are very much submerged into what the world says is right. Our spirit of discernment tells us it is not, so we are at a crossroads, a conflict. Do we run to our homes and hide in the safety there? Or do we stand firm in our beliefs and stand as a beacon for those who are seeking truth or as defenders of truth? It is possible to stand in the world and not partake of it. It is draining when you stand there for a long time. Kris commented about the urge to come home and shower off the muck everything going on in this show. So do we stand in the midst of this cast and preach and condemn? No. But we can say "this is a job" get through it and hopefully have an impact on someone for good. 

Another interesting statement made last night was directed toward my daughter. One of the boys in the cast, who knows her from previous shows etc, said "Caitlyn is SO innocent" and my reply? I said "I know..isn't refreshing?" I love my girl. Im not sure we realize just how much our kids are exposed to at school. So many pressures and she stands tall and shows that it is OK to be virtuous in a world that does not think virtue is a trait worth having. 

So I may be viewed as a religious judgemental zelot to some, but I am so grateful for the ability to discern and to keep myself firmly planted and to keep myself away from the cliffs of the world. To keep myself out of the great and spacious building and firmly grasping the rod of iron.

quick update

Is it really April??? I mean..wow...Where did MARCH go??
Nate turned 19 in March, and the rest of the month seems like a blur.
A quick update on my mom. Chemo is going well. And the feeding tube, when not getting clogged or having to be replaced, has been working and she is up to 114lbs (she was 99 when I flew home) They did an antogen marker test last week and we are awaiting the results of that. She has developed a blood clot in her leg, so she is receiving medication for that as well. Ah, the joys! :) All in all, things are good right now. She was blessed to have a visit from her brother who lives here in California and from her sister who lives in Utah. Those were both wonderful for her.
I am super busy right now ( I know..what else is new) Kris and I have working as the  musical directors for RENT. The original musical director walked out and we agreed to step in and then I sortof dumped it on my husband and he took over while I was in Utah with my mom. He is amazing and I was so grateful to know he had things in control while I was gone. Since RENT is mainly music (like 98%) he had his work cut out for him. I joined him when I got home and although I really really really dislike the content of the show, I have, for the most part, enjoyed getting to know some VERY talented people and have enjoyed those friendships. I have missed not being at home at night, that has really tugged at my heart strings. I need to be home being the mom  and that has made me mad...mad that I didn't just say "NO" to this project in the first place. At any rate..what is done, is done. And the show will be over next sunday.
On top of doing musical direction for a show, I am also the costume mistress for the upcoming dance festival. Today we cut out 16 circle skirts and they are now ready to sew. The costumes are simple, but will be fabulous!!! Can't wait to see it all come together. Kris and I were also called to be part of the Stage Management team for the event, which will be amazing!
Nick, Caitlyn and I will be heading up to Utah the last week of April for Spring Break and some much needed time with my mom again! YEAH!!! So I am looking forward to the break!
So that is a brief update. OH, did I mention that my hard drive totally died on my 1 year old lap top? Now I have a new one installed, I am up and running again, but sadly, all info on my old hard drive was lost.
Ok, so thats it. I will try to post pictures after this next week is over!!